The Ramadan Series: Live a lifetime in one night! - Reflections on Laylatul Qadr

Dear sisters,

Assalamoalaikum

We've been hearing about the importance of Laylatul Qadr since childhood. Back then, this was that one night we were allowed to stay up way past bedtime, to pray with our parents (and we used to be pretty calm too!). SubhanAllah, even as kids we felt a sense of tranquillity and peace.

"Indeed, We sent the Qur'an down during the Night of Decree. And what can make you know what is the Night of Decree? The Night of Decree is better than a thousand months. The angels and the Spirit descend therein by permission of their Lord for every matter. Peace it is until the emergence of dawn." (97:1-5)

What is it?

• Allah calls it a “Blessed Night” (44:3).

• It is called the night of power and the night of Qadr (decree). Whatever we will go through in the coming year (how much provision we'll get, whether we will live or die, etc.) is all written during this night (44:4).

• As stated in the Quran (97:3), it is a night better than a thousand months! All you math people calculate... That's over 83 years! So doing an act of worship in this night is as if you've done the same act of worship for 83 years! Whao, now that's an awesome deal, alhumdulillah :D

• It is a peaceful night until the emergence of dawn (97:5).

• It was during this night, that the Quran was revealed to a place called Bayt'l-'Uzza (in the first heaven) and after that it was sent down (revealed to our Prophet (saw)) for 23 years (97:1) (44:3).

Did you know?

• The lifespan of ancient humans was many hundred years (a person could live up to 200-300 years)! Over time, our lifespan has decreased drastically. By utilising this night (that is equal to over 83 years) every year inshallah, we can catch up (in earning reward) to the level of those who did good deeds for hundreds of years during their life.

• The amount of angels that decent during this night is phenomenal. According to one hadeeth, the number of angels on this night are MORE than the number of pebbles on the entire Earth! SubhanAllah! The earth is packed with angels on this night, we probably bump into one every minute! The angels come down to send salam upon and pray for the believers. (97:4)

• Among the signs of Laylatul Qadr are: it is a rainy night (Bukhari), it is neither too hot nor too cold (al-Tarbani), it is a bright night (Ibn Hibban), you feel peaceful during prayer because SO many angels are present around you, and the sun of the following morning is not as bright (Muslim). Remember, these signs are NOT proofs of Laylatul Qadr.

When is it?

• We don't know exactly. But we're told to seek Laylatul Qadr during the last ten nights of Ramadan. Specifically, during the odd nights (21st, 23rd, 25th, 27th and 29th).

Aishah (ra) said: “The Prophet would exert himself in worship during the last ten nights more than at any other time of the year.” (Muslim)

She also narrated that the Prophet (saw) said, “Seek laylat'l-qadr during the odd nights of the last ten nights of Ramadan.” (al-Bukhāri)

Abu Hurayrah (ra) narrates that the Prophet (saw) said, “Laylat'l-qadr is the twenty-seventh or twenty-ninth and the number of angels exceeds the number of pebbles on that night.” (Ahmad, Ibn Khuzaymah)

• According to majority of the scholars and the widespread view among Muslims, it is on the 27th. But some scholars are of the opinion that it moves between the odd nights since they have evidence for different dates. Allah knows best.

• Instead of picking and choosing one night to do all our worship, it is best to increase ibadaah during ALL the odd nights. That way we won't miss Laylatul Qadr inshallah!

Misconceptions/ What we should NOT do:

• Many people believe that spirits of their loved ones come to visit them during this night O_O and I think they get that from the verse in the Quran: "The angels and the Spirit descend therein by permission of their Lord for every matter" (97: 4). Fellow desies, spirit/ rooh here does NOT refer to souls of people who have passed away. This is referring to the most powerful angel, Angel Jibreel (a.s.), who descends to earth on important occasions only (such as revealing Allah's Word to the Prophets (peace be upon them all) and on Laylatul Qadr). We need to understand that once a person's soul is taken, it does not return to any other place except the grave and until the Day of Judgement, stays in its own realm.

• Many desies get caught up in praying specific numbers of sunnah or nafl prayers with specific surahs to be recited many times in every rakah. For instance, praying 4 rakahs and in every rakah, reciting surah iklaas 30 times. Whether our parents tell us to do that or we read it in a book, the first thing we need to do is check for references. Where is this information coming from? Did the Prophet (saw) tell us this? If so, where is the hadeeth? Or is it in the Quran? If so, where is the verse? If you are unable to find references from the Quran or hadeeth, then please, DO NOT perform prayer in that manner. We are only supposed to pray in a way shown by Prophet (saw)... every other way, even if it is seemingly good, should not be followed.  As Muslims we claim that Islam is the perfect religion, and it is, so nothing new can be added and nothing old can be subtracted from it. It is perfect the way it is.

What we should do:

During all the odd nights, we should do acts of worship that have been mentioned in the Quran and taught by our Prophet (saw). Here are some things you can do:

• Lots of dhikr (get those handy dandy tasbeehs!)

• Taraweeh (increase the amount... let's say you pray 8 rakahs regularly, pray 20 during the odd nights inshallah)

• Make lots of dua! (remember to make lots of dua for forgiveness, success in this life and the next, for our brothers and sisters all around the world, for guidance, and for just about anything and everything beneficial)

• Give charity generously and contribute towards building/ improving a masjid

• Read the Quran as much as possible

• Aishah (ra) asked the Messenger of Allah (saw) what she should say if she knew which night was laylat'l-qadr. He said: You should say, “Oh, Allah, You are the Most-Forgiving, and You love forgiveness, so forgive me.” (Ahmad)

• Bathe every night and wear nice clothes (many of the sahaba used to do this)... and it makes sense. When we go to parties we dress up, look our best for people. So it only makes sense to look even more decent in front of Allah (swt)... Remember, salah/namaz is a one-on-one dialogue between you and Allah :)

• Itikaaf (both men and women can do so... for more information please read the article posted below).

• Gain knowledge, put on some amazing lectures that will motivate you. Also, share the knowledge you gain with others.

• Be kind to your family and friends... and seek everyone's forgiveness. This is the month of mercy so please forgive people who have hurt you.

• Don't underestimate the reward of small good deeds... Ex. water the plants at home, smile (not at random guys though!), help around the house, clean up, etc. 

• Purify your intention. We should do good deeds only to please Allah (swt) and we should remind ourselves that constantly. 

• Pray Tahajjud

The Prophet (saw) said, “Whoever prays the night prayer on laylat'l-qadr for the sake of Allah, all his sins will be forgiven.” (al-Bukhāri & Muslim) Kā 'b al-Ahbar said, “This night will wipe out sins completely.”

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And so ends the Ramadan Series! I hope you found this post beneficial inshallah. I basically summarized the article below so if you need to verify references or find out more, it's all there. I've also posted a link for the fiqh (ruling) of Zakah/Zakat... please share with your parents as most of us don't know the correct way of calculating it.

May Allah (swt) enable us to make the most of these last ten days, Ameen!

Sincerely,
D.M.

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Article on Laylatul Qadr:
http://muslimmatters.org/2012/08/07/the-best-for-last-rulings-acts-of-worship-in-the-last-10-days-of-ramadan/

Lecture on Laylatul Qadr:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Put8Cd1evbU

Fiqh of Zakah:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YHg2uaVers 

The Ramadan Series: What Time Is It?

Dear sisters,

Assalamoalaikum

What time is it sistas? Time to learn about some common mistakes! (joke no funny? ha?... ha?... okay, moving along...). Us desies loooove doing everything properly, at least in Ramadan. One of the things we don't compromise on is time; Time for sehri and iftaar. We'd do anything to stop someone from drinking water when suhur time is up (even if that means choking the poor creature to get every drop of water out of the throat). Likewise, we'd do anything to stop someone from breaking their fast before it's time (even if that means running and leaping across the room *imagine in slow motion* saying "Naaahhiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!" and finally rescuing the khajoor from their mouth).

But do we really know when to stop eating suhur and when to break our fast?

Desi from Toronto, Canada: "ppfft, of course we know! Stop eating 10 minutes before fajr, that's what it says on our masjid's Ramadan chart. Break your fast 1 minute after maghrib... just to be safe."
Desi from U.S.A: "Yea, what she said!"
Desi from Middle East: "Harrraaaam! We should eat until fajr time and break our fast as soon as the sun sets."
Desi from Pakistan/India: "No no no, Angraizon aur Arbion ki baat mutt sun na... just vait for the sehri siren owkkay? And turn on TV at aftaar time, all channels play maghrib azaan.. but vait for 2-3 minutes after that and then you eat... hum doosroon ki tarhaan besabray thori hain!"

With the exception of our desi sista from Middle East, the general trend seems to be: Hasten to finish suhur and delay breaking your fast. You'd be surprised to know that we are supposed to do the exact opposite!

Evidence for delaying suhur:

Allah (swt) says in the Quran:  "And eat and drink until the white thread (light) of dawn appears to you distinct from the black thread (darkness of night)" [al-Baqarah 2:187]

And the Prophet (pbuh) said: "….eat and drink until you hear the adhaan (azaan) of Ibn Umm Maktoom, for he does not give the adhaan until dawn comes." (Bukhari)

So we should eat suhur until the exact time of fajr. There's no need to stop 10 minutes before since our Prophet (saw) did not do so.

Evidence for breaking the fast exactly on time:

Aisha (ra) reports that the Prophet (saw) used to hasten to break his fast. He would break his fast when the adhaan started, right after the sunset. (Muslim)

The Prophet (saw) said: "The people will continue to do well so long as they hasten to break the fast." (Bukhaari, Muslim)

It is not difficult to know the exact time of sunset in our times (internet zindabaad!). There's no reason to wait even after the sun has set... we should put our trust in Allah (swt) and break our fast at the exact time. Just make sure you're following an accurate clock inshallah.

Sincerely,
D.M.

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The Ramadan Series: Iftaar Extravagance

Dear sisters,

Assalamoalaikum

mmmmmm... iftaar! Just the thought of it makes our taste buds tiiiing! Pakoray, dahi barray (or dahi bally as some people call it), cholay (or channay as some people call it... gaaahhh, so many variations!), fruit chaat, and rooh-e-afzah are definitely the top 5 goodies we crave during Ramadan.

There's nothing like a good iftaar to bring together swarms of uncles, aunties, and bachay of all shapes and sizes. But you've gotta be careful! Not about aunties fighting over the last khajoor, uncles wrestling to get as much fruit chaat as possible, or kids double dipping in the chutni and wiping their hands on your dupatta... But about something else:

As we get closer and closer to iftaar time, we (women of the house) get busier and busier trying to get the iftaari ready! It's almost like working in a restaurant, on a tight schedule, to please the customers (the men of the house, picky bachay, and sometimes even in-laws who love coming unannounced to eat bhabhi ke haath ka khaana!). Even when it's time to break our fast, it's not uncommon to find someone (usually ammas) stuck in the kitchen trying to fry that last batch of pakoras, making sure everything is just right.

Why does our culture enforce so much extravagance when it comes to food? I'm sure the world won't end if we break our fast with dates, water, and maybe TWO other items... But no, "Phir Ramadan ka maza kaisay aaey ga bhai? Jub tak hum 6- 10 dishes nahin thoos letay, humara dil nai bharta! Aaakhir taraweeh parhne ke liyay bhi tou energy chahiyay na?... Aur raat ke khaanay tak tou pait waisay bhi khali hojata hai". Those are not my words, people actually say these things. Like seriously, stomach hai ya black hole! Even that would fill up at some point.

The Prophet (saw) said: "The son of Adam does not fill any vessel worse than his stomach; for the son of Adam a few mouthfuls are sufficient to keep his back straight. If you must fill it, then one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air." (Tirmidhi, Ibn Maajah. saheeh by al-Albaani).

On the surface, nothing may seem wrong with making many things for iftaar but we need to realize that in doing so, we lose that valuable time of making dua right before breaking our fast. We can't exactly make sincere dua while multitasking in the kitchen at the very last minute. This is why it's important to try and finish making the iftaar at least 10 minutes before maghrib... so we can spend that time making sincere dua.

The Messenger of Allah (saw) said: "Three supplications will not be rejected (by Allah (swt)), the supplication of the parent for his child, the supplication of the one who is fasting, and the supplication of the traveler. [al-Bayhaqi, at-Tirmidhi - Sahih]

No doubt there is blessing in iftaar and suhur, but blessing doesn't come from the number of dishes on the table. Let us try to remember that too much of anything is not recommended in Islam. I'm not asking you to stop making yummy things for iftaar, but rather to lessen the amount of cooking involved and to invest the time saved in making sincere dua. Amidst of all the luxury, we tend to forget about those who don't even have clean water to break their fast... let us all try and shed the extravagance to better see, understand, and appreciate the blessings of Allah (swt).

"...and eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah) likes not Al-Musrifoon (those who waste by extravagance)" [Surah Al-A'raaf :31]

A simple lifestyle is the sunnah of our Prophet (saw) and that's what we should be opting for inshallah.

Sincerely,
D.M.

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The Ramadan Series: 12 o'clock Rule

Dear sisters,

Assalamoalaikum

I'm sure many of you have heard of and even abided by the 12 o'clock rule for Ramadan. It's quite prevalent among desi women. The rule states: If a woman gets her period after 12 p.m., she should continue her fast and she doesn't need to make up the fast for that day later.

The main problem with this rule is that it's MADE UP! There is NO evidence of such a rule in the Islamic Jurisprudence (it's not in the Quran and books of hadeeth). So if it didn't come from Islam, where did it come from? Perhaps from the very "intelligent" desies who thought they had the authority to make and edit Islamic rules... and Allah knows best.

The correct ruling is that as soon as a woman starts menstruating, her fast becomes invalid (even if it is a few minutes before sunset), and so, she needs to make up for that fast after Ramadan. To better understand, let's take the example of wudu. Wudu becomes invalid as soon as you break it. There is no such concept as "... but I broke it just 2 minutes ago, I can still pray"... you either have wudu or you don't. Similarly, fasting also becomes invalid as soon as a woman starts menstruating.

This is a quick reminder to think before you act. We are told to do many things under the label of "Islam" by our elders, but it's our job to investigate the authenticity of these matters. We have been brought up in an environment that is deeply influenced and often polluted by culture. So much so, that it's extremely difficult to untangle Islam from its innovated alternatives.

For generations, people have been following certain practices blindly without questioning... so when we (the curious generation) ask questions, we are either given the silent treatment for committing the "gunah-e-kabeera" of asking a question or told something like... "Bakwaas bund karo! humaray baap dada yahi karte aaye hain saloon se". Either way, we aren't given any answers. So it's best to ask people of knowledge who can answer our questions in the light of evidence from the Quran and sunnah.

The information I shared with you in this post was given in a course I attended called "The Month of Mercy" (offered by Al-Kauthar Institute) and it was taught by Sheikh Alaa Elsayed. I encourage all of you to further seek knowledge on this matter and shun the "12 o'clock rule" for good.

Sincerely,
D.M.

The Ramadan Series: What is fasting?

Dear sisters,

Assalamoalaikum

When people ask us "What is fasting?" We usually tell them that we can't eat or drink from sunrise till sunset. We only tell them about what I like to call "The Tummy Fast" when really, an empty stomach is just one part of the bigger picture. Linguistically, fasting means "to abstain". Abstain not just from food and drink, but also from surrendering to our desires and committing sins.

I took notes while examining a few Ramadan specimens who claimed that they were fasting:

1) The sleep-inator
- wakes up for suhur, binges
- prays fajr and goes back to sleep at 4:30 a.m.
- ZZZZZZzzzzz
- wakes up at 4:30 p.m. and walks around in a confused state
- After realizing that it's not yet iftaar time, goes back to sleep
-ZZZZZ*yawn*ZZZZZ
- wakes up at iftaar time and eats
- prays maghrib at home, refuses to pray taraweeh and isha
- plays video games until 4 a.m.

 

Some people think they cannot deal with hunger and so, resort to sleeping. After all, sleeping is better than staying awake and sinning right? (wow, you seriously want to pull that excuse off in Ramadan!? *tsk tsk*) Have we forgotten that every good deed is multiplied by 70 in this awesome month? Why waste your time sleeping when you can stay awake and do good deeds to earn massive reward from Allah (swt)? Even if we don't do any good deeds, staying awake and bearing hunger and thirst for the sake of Allah (swt) itself is rewarding! Ramadan is no time to sleep in dude... wake up!

The prophet (saw) says: 'Allah (Swt) says "Every deed of the son of Adam is for him, except for fasting; it is for Me and I shall reward for it." (Bukhari)

2) Ms. Salahphobic
- eats suhur and goes back to sleep, misses fajr intentionally
- wakes up at 11 a.m. and starts reading a mystery novel
- it's time for dhur, she is busy playing games
- goes out with friends to watch a movie. Time for dhur runs out
- intentionally misses asr
- rushes home for iftaar and after iftaar, goes to bed. Misses maghrib, isha, and taraweeh

It really bothers me when people miss their salah intentionally. Remember, there is no excuse to miss salah (if you're sane and in a conscious state). Whether you're at home, in a park, in school, at work, in an airplane, in a battlefield, on Mt. Everest, under water, in la-la-land, or anywhere else, you MUST offer salah.

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (saw) said: "Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says: 'The first of his actions for which a servant of Allah will be held accountable on the Day of Resurrection will be his prayers (salah).' If they are in order, then he will have prospered and succeeded; and if they are not in order, then he will have failed and lost." [At-Tirmidhi (also by Abu Dawud, an-Nasa'i, Ibn Majah and Ahmad)]

3) Mr. Accidentist
- after suhur, "accidentally" falls asleep and misses fajr
- "accidentally" hits snooze 16 times and gets up late in the afternoon
- opens the fridge, "accidentally" takes out nihari and naan, "accidentally" warms it up, and "accidentally" eats it
- goes to the grocery store and "accidentally" bumps into 8 gorgeous ladies
- it's time to prepare for iftaar. "Accidentally" swallows bunches of grapes, apple slices, and banana slices while making fruit chaat
- "accidentally" breaks fast 5 minutes before maghrib
[Mr. Accidentist does not suffer from severe dementia]

 

Ya Rubb, save us all from these "accidents"! Mr. Accidentist is missing one crucial component of fasting: ikhlas (sincerity)... and without that, he's gonna miss out on loads of reward. Fasting is a pillar of Islam... and just like salah, it should be taken seriously.

4) The mouthy love bird
- helps mother prepare suhur
- eats with the right hand... texts boyfriend with the left
- naps
- wakes up, dresses up, tells mother she is going to the library
- goes to meet friends instead and gossips about her neighbours
- calls her boyfriend to complain about how long the fast is
- comes home and gets into an argument with mother, screams at the top of her lungs
- calls boyfriend again to give details about the fight
- goes on an iftaar date with her boyfriend

Wow, way to go sista! You not only nullified your own fast, but also attempted to ruin the fasts of people all around you. What was that? Everything is fair in love and war? Think again...

Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet (saw) said: "Fasting is not [abstaining] from eating and drinking only, but also from vain speech and foul language. If one of you is being cursed or annoyed, he should say: "I am fasting, I am fasting." [Ibn Khuzaimah, Ibn Hibban, and al-Hakim; Sahih].

He also reported the Prophet (saw) said: "Whoever does not abandon falsehood in word and action, then Allah Mighty and Majestic has no need that he should leave his food and drink". [Bukhari]

[Allah (swt) does not need anything from anyone, He is self-sufficient. The hadeeth implies that the purpose of fasting is to restrain and improve one's self, failure to do so makes the fasting meaningless]

In conclusion, we should refrain from ALL sin just as we refrain from food and drink. If we can prove to ourselves that we are strong enough to do this for one month, we can surely continue for the rest of the year inshallah.

Sincerely,
D.M.

The Ramadan Series: Awkward Moments

Dear sisters,

Asalamoalaikum!

So it's official, RAMADAN MUBARAK! Helllooooo multiplied reward and ta-ta the biggest loser known to humanity! (yea, Shaitaan, Jao jail mein saro... hmph!). All year round we wait for this wonderful and blessed month and it's finally here!

 Prophet (saw) said: "When Ramadan begins, the gates of Paradise are opened and the gates of Hell are closed, and the devils are chained up." [Narrated by al-Bukhari, 3035; Muslim 1793] *SSWWWWEEEEET!*

Here are some awkward moments you might have experienced in Ramadan:

- When you hear blasting music at the mall and feel like breaking the speakers and the heads of people who think you would enjoy shopping under such conditions when you can't even hear your conscience talking.

- When your coworkers ask you the most interesting questions in the lunchroom...
"Oh.. Ray-ma-den... Is that how you say it?"
"What!? you can't eat from dawn to dusk?... You know, I wouldn't do that if I were you!"
"You can have water though right? I know my other friends can do that when they're fasting. No? How about juice then?"
"Can you swallow your saliva when you're fasting? But I thought you said you can't swallow anything!"
"Can you shower when you're fasting? Okay, with or without your hee-jaab?"
"You don't mind if I eat here and talk to you with my mouth full while you try to block out the munching and crunching sounds, do you?"

- When you enter the cafeteria and your non-Muslim friends try to hide their food.

- When you're busing home and it's time to break your fast: You take out a date from your backpack, close your eyes, cup your hands to make dua, and then eat it. You open your eyes and realize the people around you were witnessing this entire episode... and they're still staring. You decide to keep the date seed in your mouth to avoid the awkward moment of spitting it out.

- You're writing your summer final and there's "pin-drop-silence" in class. Your stomach growls so loudly that the entire row turns around to look in your direction while you pretend to still read that question with full concentration... hoping that they'd blame it on their imagination.

- When your friend comes really close to have that secret conversation and you step back continuously to try to avoid any bad breath encounters!

- When you're on your "break from fasting" and Muslim uncles passing by see you eating and give you dirty looks... thinking you're that bad girl who doesn't fast! Astaghfirullah! Or when a younger sibling catches you eating in the darkest corner of the kitchen and tells on you for "breaking" your fast!

Despite these moments, we still love Ramadan... and hey, that's the least this month deserves. Allah (swt) says in the Quran:

"O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed upon you as it was obligated for those before you so that you may attain Taqwa" [Al-Baqarah: 183]

The Arabic word taqwa means moral conduct or righteousness. We are obligated to fast so we may become more righteous by avoiding all sin. In other words, we should give our soul the much needed "soul food" a.k.a ibaadah and give ourselves a break from all the sins we indulge in for the rest of the year (and hopefully, never go back to them).

Some loved ones who were with us last Ramadan aren't with us today... and that should be enough to understand that nothing, including this month, should be taken for granted. We should make the best of it inshallah because we don't know if we'll make it to the next. I've got the perfect hadeeths to motivate you:

The Prophet (saw) said, "Fasting and the Quran will intercede for the slave on the Day of Resurrection. Fasting will say, 'O My Rabb! I prevented him from food and desires, so accept my intercession for him.' And the Quran will say, 'I prevented him from sleep during the night, so accept my intercession for him.'  And they will be allowed to intercede." (Ahmed, At-Tabarani, Al-Hakim, Sahih)

Prophet (saw) said: "Whoever fasts Ramadan out of sincere faith and seeking reward, his previous sins will be forgiven." [Narrated by al-Bukhari and al-Imam, 37]

That's right!!! ALL sins forgiven... SubhanAllah, and all we gotta do is fast sincerely :) Let's all try to do that to the best of our ability. I will be posting some really important information during the entire month so be sure to check it out and share with others to earn multiplied reward inshallah.

Sincerely,
D.M.

P.s. I'd love to hear about your awkward moments!

Best Friends Forever

Dear sisters,

Asalamoalaikum

Ah, sweet friendship! :) Many of us are blessed with amazing friends alhumdulillah. Friendship is no doubt a very special bond that ties people together in a continuous cycle of sharing happiness, sadness, and most of the time, randomness. Unlike family, we choose our friends based on our own criteria. True friends are even by our side today after surviving childhood tantrums, high school drama, and welcome-to-the-real-world phase. Our friends understand us the most (or so we assume); So when we're in trouble, we tend to seek their advice.

Here's a character you may be familiar with:
Patakha is the coolest desi girl in school. She loves chilling with her friends at all the wrong places. Her friends often call her "The Love Guru", "Daring Diva", and "Patakha - The Bomb!". She takes full advantage of her good looks to attract filthy rich and extremely dumb guys and never misses the opportunity to brag about herself. Patakha-bomb-tight-pants could easily absorb all the attention as soon as she walks in a room. The not-so-cool desi girls love basking in her glory and seek her advice in every matter of their life. Let's go see what Patakha is telling these girls...
 
The delusional friend - "O.M.G. He looked at me for two whole seconds! Does that mean he likes me too!?"
Patakha - "Omg yea! I saw him like fully staring at you! Let's go closer, he might just ask you out! He does know your name right?"
 
The almost rebellious friend - "Do you think my parents will find out if I skip class? It's not like I'm gonna get caught right?"
Patakha - "Okay, like a bajillion people skip everyday and no one finds out! Go for it, you are not gonna get this chance later. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting late for class."
 
The fashionista friend - "Pink flats or purple heels?"
Patakha - "Heels of course! guys like that more." *wink*
 
The indecisive friend - "Ibaad or Ashar?"
Patakha - "Are you joking? Like who in the world would actually go for Ibaad with Ashar around? He is all religious, he's gonna make you wear hijab! Besides, Ashar is waaaaay more handsome!"
 
The paranoid friend - "Help! My parents have started looking for rishtas! What should I do? I'm only twenty six!"
Patakha - "Look, no one can force you okay? If they pressurize you, run away from home!"
 
The jungli friend - "Girl you won't believe it! I just heard she's been spreading rumors about me. Should I go beat her up?"
Patakha - "What!? How dare she? Who does she think she is? Hang on, let me call my home boys. Then, we'll go together!" *evil laugh*
 
The innocent and very gullible friend - "What traits should I look for in a good hubby?"
Patakha - "Good looks, good looks, and good looks!"
 
The new immigrant friend - "Hmm.. should I wear a banarsi sari for prom?"
Patakha - "Ew! that is sooo last-century-ago! I think you should go for something modern and hot... you know, chammak challo type!"
 
The depressed friend - "I'm so faaaaaaaaaat!!!!!" *bawls* "Who's gonna marry me!?"
Patakha - "No, you're not fat at all! just... uh... chubby, but that's cute! You see that girl over there by the hot dog stand? Now that's what you call "fat", bahahahaha!"

Okay, I think we've heard enough. Patakha may be the most popular desi kuri in town, but she isn't a very good friend. She's deviating others from the right path and in doing so, harming herself as well.

Abu Huraira narrated: The Prophet (saw) said, “A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” [Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 40, Number 4833]

Indeed, we should all reevaluate who our friends are and what we've learned from them (through their words and actions). If your close friend is a person like Patakha (and you've learned nothing but the worst from her), then we have a serious problem.

Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

But that doesn't mean you should abandon your friend and sever all ties with her. There is a solution for every problem. In this case, a friend like Patakha needs some serious help in gaining the correct understanding of deen and consequently, distinguishing between the right and wrong. If you consider yourself a sincere friend, please make an effort to bring yourself and others to the right path. A good friend is someone who reminds you of Allah (swt)... someone whose presence alone is sufficient to activate God consciousness.

Asma' bint Yazid reported that the Prophet (saw) said, "Shall I tell you who is the best of you?" "Yes," they replied. He said, "Those who remind you of Allah when you see them." He went on to say, "Shall I tell you who is the worst of you?" "Yes," they replied. He said, "Those who go about slandering, causing mischief between friends in order to separate them, and desiring to lead the innocent into wrong action."  [Adab al Mufrad, Graded Hasan by Shaykh Albaani]

May Allah (swt) make us among the best of friends by beautifying our character and making us capable of leading others to the Siraat-al-Mustaqeem. Ameen!

Sincerely,
D.M.

This post is dedicated to my best friends. I don't know what I'd do without them! Heartiest THANK YOU to Ms. Nobody, Princess, Mushuma, Dr. P, and SDN Najjia... you girls rock! <3

Quick Tip: Gotta make it in time for Fajr!

Dear sisters,

Here's a MCQ for you (Marks DO count!):

Q. What should you do when you wake up for fajr only 2 minutes before sunrise!?
a) Jump out of bed and go make wudu. In doing so you might run out of time.
b) Panic and waste more time thinking about what to do.
c) Go back to sleep... What can you do in 2 measly minutes anyway?
d) Quickly pray without wudu... It's better than missing salah altogether right?
e) There has to be another way! Allah (swt) has made Islam easy for us.

If your answer was a), b), c), or d), please pull yourself together sista! It's essential for us to take at least one, if not multiple, courses on the fiqh (ruling) of salah.


Answer e) is the only correct answer. Please have a look at the answer key below:

a) Jump out of bed and go make wudu. In doing so you might run out of time.
Nothing is worth losing the time for salah! We should try our BEST to pray on time.
b) Panic and waste more time thinking about what to do.
That would be a crazy thing to do... and Shaitan would be super happy if we do that.
c) Go back to sleep... What can you do in 2 measly minutes anyway?
Two "measly" minutes can be the difference between Jannah and Jahannum. You never know what can tip the scale on the Day of Judgement!
d) Quickly pray without wudu... It's better than missing salah altogether right?
uh... WRONG! Praying without wudu or tayammum is not acceptable at all.
e) There has to be another way! Allah (swt) has made Islam easy for us.
Yes! There is another way! Alhumdulillah for the alternative of wudu and ghusl: Tayammum.
 
The quick tip is to keep a stone nearby (before going to bed) so you can quickly perform tayammum in a matter of seconds and pray just in time!

So here's your homework: Look for a rounded stone (so you don't hurt yourself!) in your front yard/backyard, vases at home, or anywhere outside. Wash it and keep it on your side or dressing table. You can also perform tayammum with pure soil or sand.

Here is the proper procedure for tayammum:

1) There should be an intention to make tayammum (remember, intention is always in the heart. You don't need to say it out loud).
2) Both hands should be struck on pure soil, sand, or stone.
3) If you used sand or soil, both hands should be shaken vigorously blowing off the dust from them. Skip this step if you're using a stone.
4) The face should be wiped once with both hands.
5) Finally, both hands should be wiped by rubbing them once, against each other.

This procedure was taken from the book At-Taharah: Purity and State of Undefilement written by Jamal A. Badawi.

The next time Shaitan tells us we can't make it in time, we can beat him by following this quick  and easy tip!

Sincerely,
D.M

Uninvited pests... I mean, guests

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon for Ayesha. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and the smell of freshly made parathas was still in the air. She had thoroughly enjoyed her sweet nap after fajr and wasn't planning on getting out of bed for another few hours. After a busy week at school and work, she really needed to unwind. Her mom had just finished folding laundry and was getting ready to go get groceries when suddenly...

"Ding dong", rang the door bell. Ayesha jumped out of bed terrified, knowing that it must be some random aunty from the neighbourhood.  She looked around and couldn't decide if she should change first (as usual, she was wearing some old t-shirt with a hot pink shalwar and the duppata was no where to be seen. It must have been buried under the mountain, soon to be avalanche, of clothes in her closet) or run down and fix up the living room (you know how it is, weekly cleaning is different than "guest cleaning"). Little did she know, her mom had already opened the door...

Aunty Museebta had already hopped inside happily to hug Ayesha's mom and she didn't come alone. By the time Ayesha conjured up strength to peek downstairs, her mom was already under attack by the army of kids Aunty Museebta had brought along! Bunty was pulling her hijab, Chotu was trying to wear her chappal, Chipku jumped on her back (not planning to get off until Aunty Museebta yells "Beta hatto, aunty ko tang mat karo! Hut tay ho ya abhi sab ke saamne pitaie lagaoon tumharie?"), and Bubblu... oh man, Bubblu was the bacha don of his neighbourhood! Ayesha always wondered where he stored all that energy in his tiny existence. He was ready to shoot with his fully loaded water gun...

"Arrghhhh, could this get any worse? I just hope ammi doesn't call me to make chai," thought Ayesha, "Maybe I should pretend to be asleep... Yea! That's what I'll do!" Hopeful that her plan might actually work, she reunited with her beloved comforter and comfy pillow. Seconds later, Bubblu's tiny hand holding the water gun pierced through the door slit and...

You can guess the rest!

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Dear sisters,

Asalamoalaikum!


For those of you who are like Aunty Museebta:
Please call before going to someone's house and seek their permission first. Some people are quite busy, even on weekends, and going to their house unannounced means more work/trouble for them. In the story above, Aunty Museebta ruined Ayesha's plans of relaxing, her mom's plan of getting groceries and getting household chores done, and even added extra cleaning work for the family by bringing her battameez and messy kids. The story sounds funny, but people who have to put up with unexpected guests can tell you how awkward the whole situation gets. This is particularly common among desies.

Allah (swt) says in the Quran, "Do not enter houses other than your own until you have asked permission and greeted their inhabitants" (24:27)

Next time you think about going to someone's house unannounced (and that includes: "Hum aapke ghar ke paas aaey huway thay, bus paanch minute mein pohonch rahe hain"), please think twice.


For those of you who are like Ayesha:
I've gotta hand it to Ayesha for not thinking badly of Aunty Museebta (she was just annoyed by the kids), but her attitude wasn't the best. If someone comes to your house like that, as awkward as it is, please don't make it worse by stirring hatred and backbiting into the mixture. We are taught to respect and honour our guests.

Allah (swt) says, "Has the story reached you of the honoured guests of Ibrahim? When they entered his dwelling and said, 'Peace! 'He said, 'Peace! O people unknown to us.' So he slipped off to his household and brought a fattened calf. He offered it to them. He exclaimed, 'Do you not then eat?'" (51:24-27)

Abu Hurayra (ra) reported that the Prophet (saw) said, "Anyone who believes in Allah and the Last Day should honour his guest. Anyone who believes in Allah and the Last Day, should maintain ties of kinship. Anyone who believes in Allah and the Last Day, should speak well or be silent." [Agreed upon]

Please comment and share this post if you found it helpful (I hope you did!).

Sincerely,
D.M.