Asalamoalaikum
Ah, sweet friendship! :) Many of us are blessed with amazing friends alhumdulillah. Friendship is no doubt a very special bond that ties people together in a continuous cycle of sharing happiness, sadness, and most of the time, randomness. Unlike family, we choose our friends based on our own criteria. True friends are even by our side today after surviving childhood tantrums, high school drama, and welcome-to-the-real-world phase. Our friends understand us the most (or so we assume); So when we're in trouble, we tend to seek their advice.
Here's a character you may be familiar with:
Patakha is the coolest desi girl in school. She loves chilling with her friends at all the wrong places. Her friends often call her "The Love Guru", "Daring Diva", and "Patakha - The Bomb!". She takes full advantage of her good looks to attract filthy rich and extremely dumb guys and never misses the opportunity to brag about herself. Patakha-bomb-tight-pants could easily absorb all the attention as soon as she walks in a room. The not-so-cool desi girls love basking in her glory and seek her advice in every matter of their life. Let's go see what Patakha is telling these girls...
The delusional friend - "O.M.G. He looked at me for two whole seconds! Does that mean he likes me too!?"
Patakha - "Omg yea! I saw him like fully staring at you! Let's go closer, he might just ask you out! He does know your name right?"
The almost rebellious friend - "Do you think my parents will find out if I skip class? It's not like I'm gonna get caught right?"
Patakha - "Okay, like a bajillion people skip everyday and no one finds out! Go for it, you are not gonna get this chance later. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting late for class."
The fashionista friend - "Pink flats or purple heels?"
Patakha - "Heels of course! guys like that more." *wink*
The indecisive friend - "Ibaad or Ashar?"
Patakha - "Are you joking? Like who in the world would actually go for Ibaad with Ashar around? He is all religious, he's gonna make you wear hijab! Besides, Ashar is waaaaay more handsome!"
The paranoid friend - "Help! My parents have started looking for rishtas! What should I do? I'm only twenty six!"
Patakha - "Look, no one can force you okay? If they pressurize you, run away from home!"
The jungli friend - "Girl you won't believe it! I just heard she's been spreading rumors about me. Should I go beat her up?"
Patakha - "What!? How dare she? Who does she think she is? Hang on, let me call my home boys. Then, we'll go together!" *evil laugh*
The innocent and very gullible friend - "What traits should I look for in a good hubby?"
Patakha - "Good looks, good looks, and good looks!"
The new immigrant friend - "Hmm.. should I wear a banarsi sari for prom?"
Patakha - "Ew! that is sooo last-century-ago! I think you should go for something modern and hot... you know, chammak challo type!"
The depressed friend - "I'm so faaaaaaaaaat!!!!!" *bawls* "Who's gonna marry me!?"
Patakha - "No, you're not fat at all! just... uh... chubby, but that's cute! You see that girl over there by the hot dog stand? Now that's what you call "fat", bahahahaha!"
Okay, I think we've heard enough. Patakha may be the most popular desi kuri in town, but she isn't a very good friend. She's deviating others from the right path and in doing so, harming herself as well.
Abu Huraira narrated: The Prophet (saw) said, “A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” [Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 40, Number 4833]
Indeed, we should all reevaluate who our friends are and what we've learned from them (through their words and actions). If your close friend is a person like Patakha (and you've learned nothing but the worst from her), then we have a serious problem.
Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
But that doesn't mean you should abandon your friend and sever all ties with her. There is a solution for every problem. In this case, a friend like Patakha needs some serious help in gaining the correct understanding of deen and consequently, distinguishing between the right and wrong. If you consider yourself a sincere friend, please make an effort to bring yourself and others to the right path. A good friend is someone who reminds you of Allah (swt)... someone whose presence alone is sufficient to activate God consciousness.
Asma' bint Yazid reported that the Prophet (saw) said, "Shall I tell you who is the best of you?" "Yes," they replied. He said, "Those who remind you of Allah when you see them." He went on to say, "Shall I tell you who is the worst of you?" "Yes," they replied. He said, "Those who go about slandering, causing mischief between friends in order to separate them, and desiring to lead the innocent into wrong action." [Adab al Mufrad, Graded Hasan by Shaykh Albaani]
May Allah (swt) make us among the best of friends by beautifying our character and making us capable of leading others to the Siraat-al-Mustaqeem. Ameen!
Sincerely,
D.M.
This post is dedicated to my best friends. I don't know what I'd do without them! Heartiest THANK YOU to Ms. Nobody, Princess, Mushuma, Dr. P, and SDN Najjia... you girls rock! <3
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