TRIALS AND STRESS... Bachaooo!

Dear sisters,

Asalamoalaikum. Sorry, haven't been writing lately... blame my busy schedule and STRESS!

More often than not, we are under constant stress because of one reason or another. School, family problems, work, getting chores done, cooking, long drives, living up to the expectations of family and friends, getting groceries, paying rent, looking and acting our best, fulfilling religious duties, running behind schedule, taking care of kids, and a whole bunch of other personal issues (even the most tiny, insignificant, almost non-existent factors like loosing a hijab pin) all contribute greatly to our stress.

These days worrying about something is the norm and a person who is at peace is the odd one out. Many of us hate Mondays (the start of yet another crazy week) and wait eagaerly for the weekend, when life seems to pause for a while... and then it's back to the "kaam, kaam, kaam, aur sirf kaam" moto of Qaid-e-Azam. But why are there so many trials in life? Why can't everything just go smoothly and perfectly? Why must we spend the greater part of our day worrying about something or the other? If you were a kid like me, who hated tests and exams in school, then perhaps by now you know that those were nothing compared to the REAL tests and trials of this world.

For a moment I need you to forget about everything you are worried about (short and long term) *not trying to brainwash you or anything, just work with me here inshallah* and ponder over the following verses of the Quran.

Allah (swt) says: "He Who created death and life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving. (Surah Al-Mulk 67: 2)

Allah (swt) says: "And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me" (Surah Adh-Dhariyat 51:56)

That is the true purpose of life... to worship Allah (swt) and here we are, stressed and obsessed about worldly affairs. You might wonder how we can possibly worship Allah (swt) day and night, for as long as we live. The simple answer is to learn the correct definition of worship/ ibaadah. If you think ibadaah is to pray salah, fast, give charity, and perform hajj, then certainly, it would be impossible to perform ibaadah 24/7 and at the same time live a productive life in this dunya. But that's not all it means.

Did you know? "Islam" means submission to Allah and "Muslim" means the one who submits his will to Allah. Hence, ibadaah means to do any act in accordance with Islamic principles. For instance, if a mother takes good care of her children to please Allah (swt), that is ibaadah. If you sleep with the intention of waking up for fajr, your sleep is ibaadah. If you visit the sick and help the poor because that is what Allah (swt) wants us to do, that is ibaadah. If you look in the mirror one last time before going out, to make sure you are dressed to please Allah not people, that is ibaadah. Even if you smile and show mercy to a loved one, that is ibaadah. I'm sure you'd agree now that performing ibaadah every day of our lives is very much doable alhumdulillah. Keeping the purpose of life in mind, we must remind ourselves to worry about pleasing Allah (swt) as opposed to spending all our time and energy worrying about insignificant matters.

Allah (swt) says: "And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the patient, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”: They are those on whom (descend) Blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155-157)

Here, Allah (swt) clearly mentions that trials are inevitable and that we WILL be tested. Once we understand that all the problems we face are indeed tests from Allah (swt), it would become easier to endure them with His help inshallah. Let's face it, all our problems and worries will end sooner or later, only the ultimate question will remain even after death: Did we do enough to succeed in the hereafter? and THAT is what we should be worried about the MOST. All our other worries seem a lot less important now don't they?

Here's a beautiful hadeeth about believers and trials :)

Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is good for him” (Muslim)

Here's what we should do to cope with stress:
1) When you run into a problem, say:

 "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”
Us desies like to recite this ONLY when we hear of someone's death... but if we say it every time we encounter a problem or loss, we will be reminded of the true purpose of life and in turn, will be able to face the trial with patience instead of stressing out and falling in depression.
2) Be patient... remember, Allah is with those who are patient. If you do this, with each trial your sins will decrease :)
3) Get into the habit of thanking Allah (swt) for everything... because it could always be worse.
4) Increase your ibaadah, for "In the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest" (Quran 13:28)

So whether you're worried about financial problems, family problems, or anything else... remind yourself that it is only temporary, just like this life. We need to stay focused on succeeding in the hereafter... because that will be ever lasting. And remember, "With every difficulty, there is relief: Verily, with every difficulty there is relief" (Surah Al-Inshirah 94: 6)... So hang in there! Good times might be right around the corner inshallah! :)

This post is dedicated to a dear friend who suggested this topic <3


Sincerely,
D.M.

TMS 1: Rishta Lady On The Loose!

Dear sisters,

Assalamoalaikum

With the sight of a hawk, speed of a cheetah, and cleverness of a fox, kwanri larkian and larkay don't stand a chance against the rishta lady. I'm sure you know of at least one aunty who is always talking about shaadi. She's always trying to convince other aunties to get their kids married.

Rishta Lady: Kya umar hogi tumhari beti ki?

Innocent mom: Jee bus eighteen ki hogi es saal inshallah.

Rista Lady: KYA? athara saal ki hogaey kuri aur abhi tak rishtay dekhnay shuru nai kiyay! Kya larki ko ghar bethao gi saari umar!? Tauba tauba *touches ears* kya zamana aa gaya hai!

Innocent mom: Nai wo... apni parhaie complete...

Rishta Lady: Larkion ki shaadi jaldi kardeni chahiyay, uddjusst karnay mein aasani hoti hai... aik baar umar pakki hojaey na, phir wo kissi ki nai suntien... main aik achay larkay ki family ko jaanti hoon, tum kaho tou baat chalaoon? Buntyyyyy betaaa mera cell phone tou lana bhag ke! Abhi call karti hoon unhain!

Innocent mom: Lekin wo... sunnain tou...

Rishta Lady: Dekho ab tum na shukri kar rahi ho! Astaghfirullah! Larka achay khandaan se hai, barray ameer log hain, tumhari beti tou raaj karegi RAAJ! main tumhari jaga hoti tou phut se haan kardeti! array larka DOCTOR hai *drools*, ameer hai, bungla gaari sub kuch hai, gora chita hai... aur kya chahiyay?

Innocent mom: Wo sub to theek hai magar...

Rishta Lady: Tumhari beti tou Eshoriya [she means, Aishwarya] Rai jaisi lagti hai... ghar ke kaam tou kar leti hai na? safaie aur khana pakkana waghaira? Bhai mainay tou apni beti ki etni achi training ki thi ke uske susral walay aaj tak "wah wah" karte hain *grins with pride*... parh likh ke kya karna hai? shaadi ke baad tou yahi kaam karne hote hain. Main tou kehti hoon college ko choro, kissi silaie karhaie ki class mein admission kara do. Yahan ke school ke mohol se tou Allah bachaey... tauba, humari bachi ghar mein he achi! ye lo, Bunty phone le aya... Bismillah karo! *dials*

Judging from their conversation, most of the desi population suffers from dunya obsession (commonly known as materialism)... especially when it comes to finding the "right" spouse. Let's read the rishta lady's notes on what she thinks makes the perfect husband and the perfect wife.

The Perfect Wife:

- Must be drop dead gorgeous (big eyes, nazuk nose, lean and tall, long thick hair, and most importantly, GORI like Bunty's feeder ka doodh)
- Must know how to cook well enough to please and feed her husband (aakhir husband ke dil ka raasta pait se guzarta hai!) AND susral walay
- Must know how to sew (in case the saas wants an urgent outfit for her upcoming kitty par-tae!)
- Must be respectful and zulm sehnay wali type... after all, larki ke patience se he tou ghar chalta hai!
- Must bring dowry (more is less)
- Must be in late teens or early twenties
- Must be willing and happy to live with her in-laws
- Must spend most of her married life in the place where she truly belongs, the kitchen
- Must not use her brain cells too much




The Perfect Husband:

- Must be good looking (this clause can be ignored if the next condition is met)
- Must have a never ending supply of money (pot of gold, sonay ki chirya/murghie, and unlimited credit are all accepted)
- Must own a big house and several cars
- Must be a doctor or an engineer
- Must complete his degree and masters and find a job before shaadi
- Must be in late 20s or early 30s (only fully settled guys wanted!)
- Must be romantic as per the Bollywood standard (includes falling in love at first sight and going in a trance *with background music*, singing and running in the farms hand in hand with his wife, beating the gunday budmaash, and living happily ever after)




um... yea, shocking. As crazy as it sounds, these are things people actually look for in a "suitable" rishta... and then we wonder why the divorce rate is increasing (pfft, what a surprise -___-). A marriage based only on these standards is bound to collapse... because it has no strong foundation of deen. With the husband busy making money and the wife busy in cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, etc. religion gets pushed even further down the priority list. In doing so, the marriage might still work... but would the couple ever feel true peace, happiness, and love? Of course not. The hustle bustle of life keeps us so busy that we've started acting more like robots and less like humans (this is why those butterflies in the stomach fly away after the first few years of marriage). Somewhere along the way, we've lost our connection with Allah (swt) and once that is lost, so is the connection with His creation. Remember, Islam is our guide to life that Allah (swt) blessed us with. As Muslims we are taught to juggle deen and dunya together and with the perfect blend of both, true happiness and salvation can be achieved.

Our Prophet Muhammad (saw) taught us to look for a righteous person when it comes to marriage. If the person's faith and character is in check, the rest automatically falls in place. After all, the success of a marriage isn't determined by young age, degree, high paying job, good looks, and huge property and bank balance. We can all think of at least one couple who has all of those things... but their marriage still seems to be falling apart. On the contrary, a couple with none of those things can still lead a happy and peaceful life if they are close to Allah (swt) and practice Islam wholeheartedly.

Prophet (saw) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character), so marry the one who is best in the religion and prosper." (Bukhari and Muslim)

This is a reminder for all of us, who are at or are reaching the age of marriage, to shun the hollow standards and look for someone who is a good Muslim... everything else (including education, job, looks) comes later. I'm not asking you to completely ignore all other factors, but rather to make faith and character your PRIORITY and THEN consider other things inshallah.

Sincerely,
D.M.