TMS 2: Aunty Shakoorun Arranges The Meeting

Dear sisters,

Assalamoalaikum, hope you're all doing great!

So I decided to name the rishta lady from TMS 1. Meet Aunty Shakoorun ladies!

(How I wish I could insert an urdu caption there... isn't she evil and cute at the same time?)

Last time we disclosed the characteristics of the "perfect" hubby and the "perfect" wifey. The next step after finding someone who fulfills most of the requirements is to have the girl's and guy's family meet. The meeting is kind of like a cricket match, with the umpire being Aunty Shakoorun of course. Each team tries their best to interrogate the other, and impose their thoughts on the opposing team. I must admit, us desies have excellent observation skills... SubhanAllah, we can even detect stuff that doesn't actually exist *sarcastic eyebrow raise*. Why are we so judgmental? You may have heard the following statements... But do these people actually mean what they're saying? Let's find out!

Girl's mother
What she says: "Bohot khushi huwi aap logon se mil ke"
What she thinks: Shakkal se tou bohot chaalak log lagtay hain! Larka tou doctor nahin lagraha... aur ye kya!? aik white baal!!!! Age zaroor ghalat bataie hogi!

Girl's father
What he says: "Beta tum job ke elawa kya karte ho?"
What he thinks: Zaroor apnay dostoon ke saath awaragardi karta hoga!

Guy's mother
What she says: "Humain tou jahez nahin chahiyay, yeh sub tou purani rewayaat hain"
What she thinks: hahahaha, bolnay mein kya harj hai... Furniture, gaari, zewar, waghaira tou log dete he hain daughters ko. Jo meri bahu ka, wo meray betay ka!
What she says: "Array aap nay bohot takkalluf karliya!"
What she thinks: kya kanjoos log hain! chai ke saath sirf biscuits?!? Do they not know main chai mein papay dubo ke khaati hoon?! Grrr..

Guy's father
What he says: "Mera beta bohot qaabil aur layaq hai, mashallah se doctor hai!"
What he thinks: *sigh* kambakht 4 dafa fail ho chuka hai... shukar Allah ka ke 5th time paas hogaya! Allah uske patients aur biwi ko apni hifazat mein rakhay, Ameen!

Guy's sista
What she says: "Meray bhai tou bohot he shareef aur naik insaan hain... dekhain, abhi bhi sharam se apnay handkercheif se face hide karrahe hain he... he..."
What she thinks: The girl's family should never find out about my brother's aawaragardi... NEVER! Gotta delete his ex off facebook tonight!

Guy
What he says: "..."
What he thinks: When are we leaving? Why is everyone staring at me!? What if aunty spotted my punky nose piercing that I'm trying to hide! Maybe she's wondering why my hair is all spiked up... aunties don't know nothing about hairdos man... I look siiiiiiiccckk! yeeeeahh! How much longer do I have to wait to see the girl?

Aunty Shakoorun
What she says: "Aap ki beti tou bohot he pyari hai mashallah! Humain bohot pasand aaie"
What she thinks: Ya Khuda! zara tou makeup karleti! picture mein tou makeup thopa wa tha tou kuch behtar lagrahi thi... Allah karray larkay waloon ko picture aur aasliat mein farq na pata chalay.. warna mera commission tou...

Girl
What she says: "jee... jee... jee..."
What she thinks: OMG... breathe...breeeeathe! Ammiiiii why did you have to tell me to make chai!!??? I can hardly stop myself from shaking... What if I drop the chai on aunty!? How do I look up to see the guy?... what if his mom catches me looking at him!? no no... too risky... gotta peek from kitchen instead... I hope I look good!

Did you hear that? Most of these people don't mean what they say... and this is supposed to be a meeting where families need to be honest with each other, to minimize any future problems for the couple. It's not uncommon for desi parents to lie about many things... in fact, in Pakistan it's a norm to tell the WRONG age. Why are people so afraid to tell the truth and just be themselves? The answer lies in the unrealistic expectations we discussed in TMS 1. People feel the need to lie and elevate their status in the eyes of others so their daughter or son can find a good spouse.  After all, nobody wants anyone less than perfect right? Deception may lead to temporary success, but the end result is nothing but failure.

Perhaps we need to reevaluate our standards... and tell our parents that we don't need that perfect, rich, good looking prince they are looking for. We need to remind our parents and ourselves of the most perfect example of our Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). He was neither rich nor could he read or write, and yet he is the best example of a perfect husband and a perfect human being. It's true that times have changed, a person with no education or money can survive only with great difficulty so there is no harm in seeking someone educated with a reliable job. However, these days what we seek is a luxurious lifestyle, not survival. Let's not forget that it's not always black and white... we are capable of leading a perfectly productive and beautiful life without all the fancy-shmancy stuff that we'd get if we married someone from the upper class. People from the middle and lower class have just as much right to get married... but what ends up happening is that we opt for the upper class, leaving a surplus of single individuals in the remaining population! I mean, just look around you, most of your good looking and rich friends and relatives are already committed or married! But can you say the same for others? It's called "Survival of the fittest"... too bad for us "unfit" creatures.

This time, I leave you with 3 reminders:
1) Don't run after the perfect... try to be perfect yourself and Allah (swt) will take care of the rest inshallah!

Allah (swt) Says: "women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" (Surah Al-Noor 24:26)

2) Don't seek the pleasure of this world, seek the pleasure of the hereafter... and don't worry, you can own a mansion and all the goodies you can imagine and beyond, in Jannah... for FREE! :D Treat this world like it's a bus stop... where you just wait a while... and then you must move on and begin the REAL journey, one that is everlasting.

On the authority of Abdullah ibn Umar (May Allah be pleased with him), he relates that the Prophet (s.a.w) once held my shoulders and said: “Live in this world as (if you are) a wayfarer or a stranger.” [Al-Bukhari & Al-Muslim]

3) Stop being judgmental... and stop lying.

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) that, “Whoever believes in God and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.” [Al-Bukhari & Al-Muslim]

Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) also said, "One of the most evil of people is the two-faced person, who shows one face to some people and another face to other people." [Muslim]

Stay tuned for TMS 3 and other awesome reminders :)

Sincerely,
D.M.